Superfriends

Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things.

 - Author Unknown -

So do you all know what Oprah is up to lately (I know, she never calls me either)? But, it seems that now that she’s not doing the daily talk show thing, she has time to set up her own cable network - actually called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network – how handy are THOSE initials huh?).  Because I’ve always worked full time, I never really got in the habit of watching Oprah’s regular show because she was on during the daytime when I was at work. But even so, I guess I generally like what she’s about. Especially once she decided to stop doing the really exploitive stuff that was so prevalent on all the talk shows in the 1990’s and kind of turned to the self-help and book clubs and of course it’s hard not to like someone who gives a car to everyone in their audience on a fairly regular basis.

But my point today isn’t really to talk about Oprah or OWN, except that I’ve been thinking about something for a couple of days that I heard on the Oprah Channel on a program she calls Super Soul Sunday. This program (which of course is on Sunday) is apparently about helping people think about spirituality, or becoming their authentic selves or discovering their true purpose…you know all that kind of Oprah stuff.  I truly don’t mean to sound flippant about any of that – If I’m being honest and self-aware I could probably use help with all of those things. Anyway, I was kind of watching this while I was getting ready for church on Sunday (to go do some more soul-searching) so I was kind of listening out of the corner of my ear.  Oprah was talking to an author named Gary Zukov who wrote a book called The Seat of the Soul (and a lot of other “soul” books too apparently).  They talked about the fact that we are essentially spiritual beings who, in order to gain “authentic power,” need to align our personalities with our souls…. Yeah I’m not really sure what that means either.  But at one point in the discussion Mr. Zukov was talking about how what we project outward in our lives is what comes back to us. He believes that we can tell the kind of person that you are, the energy you project by the friends that you have and the kind of people that are in your life.  If we are selfish, suspicious, judgmental, unkind, and other negative qualities, we will find that this type of energy comes back to us and we are met with those negative qualities in those around us – in other words we create our own Hell.   But if we are generous, kind, giving, non-judgmental, those qualities will be reflected back to us by the friends and people who are drawn to us. I can’t honestly say that this is the first time I’ve heard this particular type of philosophy. I guess what made it stick with me this past Sunday was that Gary Zukov was talking about this “friendship reflection” as kind of a litmus test for our own personalities.  If you want to know what you’re sending out there in the Universe, take a look at your friendships and relationships and see what they tell you.  Now I haven’t read The Seat of the Soul, and I don’t know anything about Gary Zukov, but I did like what he had to say on Super Soul Sunday mostly because it made me feel good…about me.

You see if Gary Zukov is right, I must have put some pretty good stuff out there in the Universe because I have some really, really lovely friends.  I have collected most of these friends over many years, some all the way back to elementary school. Other friendships were formed from having worked together in various jobs that I’ve had over the years or through volunteer or church work. And the thing about my friends is that they all have some kind of super power – really, they do. 

For example…

My friend Ev is a friend I met at my current job – we both started working there at about the same time and had similar opinions about what we found there. It was such a relief to have someone to come to for a reality check – was I really seeing what I thought I was seeing…and everyone is ok with that?  Luckily for me Ev was able to say, “Yes, you are seeing that and it’s not ok.” It was reassuring and empowering to say the least.  You see one of Ev’s superpowers (she has several) is her strong sense of ethics. She has a powerful belief in doing her best and that everyone should meet that same expectation (especially when you work in public education). She’s a great example of someone who always tries to do what is right and that has given me a lot of courage over the years.

My friend Kris is someone I met a long time ago at one of my first serious grown-up jobs. I was in my early twenties at the time and Kris was in her late 30’s. Kris was one of the first people that I didn’t feel treated me like a kid. She talked to me about important grown-up stuff and let me see her life as it was. I learned a lot from her transparency about what to do and what not to do and it was so very helpful.  Kris' superpower is just to be who she is with no pretense, façade or diversion. I learned a lot from Kris about being authentic and just to not waste time trying to be something I’m not.

My friend Ron is really one of my favorite people in all-the world.  We became friends when we both worked at the same elementary school.  I was working on putting together a play and Ron walked into the gym one day and announced that I was going to need some help…and he was going to be that help. Ironically, Ron had a great program that he was heading at the school and, after his announcement that he was going to help me (which he did), I thought it was only right that I help him.  That trade off between the two of us started one of the most rewarding periods of my life so far and a partnership with Ron (and a group of other teachers) that I will always treasure. Plus, since we stopped working together Ron always checks up on me - which I so appreciate.  Ron’s superpower is his ability to see the best in everyone and really just disregard whatever negative qualities they may have. I saw him do this with the kids in his class.  He would really focus on the positive and actually inspire and require the positive. He just didn’t give any energy to the negative qualities and very often, those qualities just wouldn’t be an issue.  That’s a pretty good power for a teacher and a friend.

My friend Cindy is someone who is kind of a mentor to me.  She saw qualities in me that I didn’t even know I had. She showed such trust in me to take the ball and run with it that I actually began to believe in my abilities myself.  Cindy’s superpower is her strong sense of what is right, fair and good.  She was always about what was good for kids in a system that was increasingly about what was good for test scores.  Cindy really did expend a lot of effort tilting at windmills sometimes successfully and sometimes not. I’ve learned a lot from Cindy about how the good is sometimes in the effort and not always the outcome.

My friend Jenny was a fellow “team” mom with me when our kids were in high school. We ended up on a lot of trips together and put together a lot of meals and programs and parties and such for all of those kids. Jenny is exceptionally lively and outgoing, (qualities which I struggle with quite a bit) which makes her really fun to hang out with. Jenny’s superpower is that jovial personality – the ability to find the humor in almost any situation and just lighten up and not take the whole thing so darn seriously…whatever that thing might be.  She was always a great example to me when I would just get way too serious about things.

My friend Mark is actually kind of a newish friend. We have known each other for a number of years, but last year, when my friend Jason passed away suddenly, Mark made the connection (through some mutual acquaintances) that this had happened, recognized how really upsetting it was to me, and kind of upped the ante on our friendship. Like Ron, he just kept up a kind of regular mental health check-in with me and let me know that he was available if I needed something.  I can’t tell you how much that meant to me at the time and frankly how much it still means to me.  It was a thoughtful gesture that I felt was really sincere and I enjoyed getting to know a little bit more about him through those brief conversations.  Mark’s superpower I think is the ability to talk to people and make them feel like he really cares about what they are saying.  Now that I know him a little better, I’m not sure if he really does care about what everyone is saying, but we all surely think that he does because he has such a great ability to engage with people in such a funny and cool way. 

My friend JP and I have been friends since being in the same 6^th grade homeroom class – and that was a long time ago now. It was such a long time ago I really can't remember exactly how we came to be friends. Proximity was one reason I suppose, and John’s wicked sense of humor was, I'm sure, another (he is awfully witty).  

JP’s superpower is quite simply friendship. He’s so great at making connections with people and pulling them into his life. He pays attention to what is happening with his friends and does what he can to help in just a plethora of ways (yes the fancy vocab there was a throw-back to pretentious high school writing JP). First of all, he remembers everybody.  And he remembers their details too - what they do, who they’re married to, who their kids are, where they’ve been, where they’re going and why. I think JP also has a tendency to look out for the underdog, the disenfranchised, the lonely and alone – a quality I think he gets from his parents. For those of you who are my Facebook friends, you know that JP and I went on a trip together a couple of months ago. Actually JP took me on a trip, all planned and paid for to the UK and France (I know, right?!). I’ve always been overwhelmed by the generosity of JP and that feeling was just magnified by this amazing gesture.  I don’t think there’s been a day since we got back that I haven’t stopped at some point during the day and thought to myself “Oh my gosh, I’ve been to LONDON (or Paris, interchangeable excitement there really)!  Not really sure when or if that is going to wear off - probably never. JP, you’re the best…even without LONDON (or Paris).

It can be a tricky thing when you start listing friends. For the record, this is by no means a comprehensive list of everyone who is important to me. Melissa, Jim, Gaelyn, Courtney, Jack, and Carol, Michael, Marilyn and oh yeah, my grown-up boys are all people who I consider friends and who all have friendship superpowers.

My only complaint about my friends I suppose is that I really don’t see many of them much as I would like too – we’re all so busy all the time.  But I know they are out there and, just like my faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, I have faith that my friends care about me, want good things for me and will be there for me if I need them.

I don’t know if Mr. Zukov is right and all of these lovely people are just good Karma coming back to me from what I’ve sent out into the world.  But when I think about my friends, I do know that I feel lucky and grateful. Besides, it’s just so flattering isn’t it - when someone decides to become your friend?